Thursday, January 4, 2018

2018 Rose Bowl Broadcast We’d All Like to Hear ~ As Called by the Late Great Larry Munson from On High

Get the picture!

I’m no longer living in Athens Georgia or on Planet Earth, but folks are asking to hear me call the 2018 Rose Bowl.

First off I’m told that if I was around today I couldn’t do my movie group with young ladies. Something about they might come back years later and claim I put something in their popcorn or made them watch an inappropriate work of cinema. My God, what is your world coming to down there?!

Now I understand Georgia is facing Oklahoma in the Rose Bowl, the Dawgs first visit to Pasadena since 1943. That was my first Bulldogs radio broadcast. I am no longer a mortal soul so no one can challenge me on anything. I can say whatever I want from up here. 

Ask Grizzard if you don't believe me. Wait, never mind. That Lewis kid is still a liar.

I gotta tell ya I don’t like the looks of this Sooners outfit. I didn’t like the look of those Samford Bulldogs from Alabama either, but we managed to somehow pull out a win.

But this Oklahoma team. Look at the size of them! I don’t know if they feed ‘em grass fed beef or corn fed beef in that state but whatever they feed ‘em makes ‘em big I tell ya. 

And they got this Mayfield kid who can sling the ball 600 yards a game and run it for another 400. They say the Big 12 doesn’t play defense but they might be wrong today. This team has me worried.

I don’t know much about these 2018 Bulldogs because I’ve taken the last few years off and just got the phone call to show up today. I’m told they have a running back, Sony Michel, maybe named after the TV my wife got us after the Magnavox finally blew a tube. And the kid has a French last name. Loran, what d'ya got?

So his parents moved from Haiti and the kid was born in Florida? His first name has nothing to do with that Japanese electronics company? That’s more than I really need to know. Loran, I love ya but that’s why you’re on the sideline and I’m up here.

Nick Chubb. Now that sounds like a football player. And the kid's family has a town named after them. The kid looks like a small town from what I see. I’m told he’s thunder and Michel is lightning. Sounds a little hokey but I wasn’t around to cast a vote.

So we’re starting a freshman quarterback, a kid named Jake Fromm. My God, a freshman! This worries me. I don’t care how good you say this kid is.

It’s good to hear Kirby Smart is in charge. Him I remember from the 1990s, when we thought there’d be so many national championships to follow the one in 1980. Smart was a great safety or cornerback or whatever, and he had the heart of a champion.

And I understand Smart is pretty good at recruiting. He’s got our offensive line in good shape with guys who are big, strong, fast and smart. And the line is young, which has me worried, but they’re deep with talent.

Same goes for defense. Young, big, strong, fast, smart and deep. But I don’t know. They say we haven’t faced a powerhouse like this Oklahoma. This has me worried.

Oklahoma won the toss and defer. Dawgs get the ball and go 3 and out. You can’t win 2,200 miles from home this way!

And look at this. The Sooners just marched right down the field 80 yards and scored in an instant. In an instant! This has me worried I tell ya.

Dawgs get the ball back. Look, they take it right back down the field. That Chubb kid and the Michel kid who I’m told is not French each tear off a few great runs. And that freshman Fromm – is that French? – looks like maybe he can throw the ball. We’re tied but I don’t know if we can win a shootout with these kids from Oklahoma.

Oklahoma marches right down again and scores. We miss a field goal. What kind of a name is Blankenship? And those glasses. Sounds and looks more like a kid from the chess club, but I’m told he can kick the ball 5 miles. Well, he kicked that one wide left.

They tell me the Mayfield kid just did some kinda throat slash in the direction of the Dawgs and said “It’s over.” Well he might be right.

Oklahoma marches right down and scores again. They are walking on our backs. Why did you people invite me here?

Dawgs get the ball. The transistor radio kid takes off, he’s gone. 75 yards on a single play. They may be right about the lightning thing. But we’re not supposed to score this fast. Our defense needs to catch their breath. This has me worried I tell ya.

Okay, it at least looks like their guy can kick a field goal.

Punt. Punt. Punt. But you know that.

My God, the Sooners just ripped off a 90 yard TD drive. I could still be up there enjoying nectar and ambrosia. But no, I had to answer the phone to come see this?

They try a little squib kick. Not sure what that’s about. But it’s too late. Okay, Fromm completes a pass but we’ve got only a second left. We’re way out of the chess player’s range. Might as well give it a try. Snap is good, kick is up. By God he put it thru!

Loran is that some kind of a record? Both a Blankenship and Rose Bowl record? Not bad. But this may be too little too late. After all, we gotta kick them the ball in the second half and we just can not stop them.

Sooners 3 and out. I didn’t know that was possible.

Take a look, the Chubb kid took it 50 yards for a TD. 11 seconds! We gotta score slower I tell ya.

I don’t know what Oklahoma did for a lotta minutes but they didn’t score. We may have life.

It’s that Michel kid again. He just took it 38 yards! Okay that’s six plays. A little more like it. But we’re tied. This can’t last long. I love her but I don’t want to kiss my sister.

The bulletproof Mayfield kid just threw it straight to our man Dominick Sanders. He lofted it because we’ve been getting after him and were after him then. Sanders takes it 39 yards down to our 4. Dawgs are threatening to take a lead. A lead!

Fromm threw it to that tall rangy Javon Wims kid. We scored! But we scored too fast. Can you believe it? We actually wrestled away a lead! This has me worried I tell ya.

They punt then we punt. We can’t keep doing this.

Look, they march it 88 yards right down the field and tie us again. This is not a momentum swing we need.

Oh God, I finally got it straight that the Sony Michel kid is not named after my TV and is not French, and he goes and fumbles. Oklahoma scoops it up and waltzes 46 yards for a touchdown. Did I tell ya momentum was not going our way?

We punt then they punt. We can’t keep doing this.

3:22 left in the game. But do we have anything left in the tank? Do we have one more drive in us? Can this Fromm kid who I understand is not French hold it together?

No need to rush things. But maybe we better rush things. We can’t give it back to that Mayfield kid with any time or he’ll just march them right back down. But we gotta score. We just gotta score slow.

Fromm throws to Godwin. Then to Michel. We quickly march it 32 yards. But was it too quick? Or not quick enough? Fromm runs it for no gain, then an incomplete pass. Now it’s 3rd down, but you know we’ll take two. What choice do we have?

Fromm puts a clutch pass right on the money to that Godwin kid again for 16 yards! We’re knocking on the door for a shot at destiny.

We throw an incomplete pass to that Wims kid but their guy was all over him. Sometimes you need Lady Luck on your side.

It’s Chubb in what they’re telling me is the Wild Dawg formation. He takes the snap, runs right, and he’s straight through untouched. We’re tied yet again. But did we do it too fast? This has me worried I tell ya.

My God, even that kid Kirk Herbstreit agrees with me!

Hunker Down Dawgs! Okay, you did, and they punted.

We’re going to overtime for the first time ever in the Rose Bowl. There’s apparently no chance I’ll have to kiss my sister. But is Lady Luck now with them or us?

They won the toss. We gotta take it first.

We get a field goal, then they get a field goal. But you know that. Going to double overtime. Now they get the ball first. We can’t keep this up.

They line it up for a field goal. Their kicker kid is automatic. The snap is good, hold is down – and we block it!

That Lorenzo Carter kid jumped 8 miles in the air and got a hand on it. A hand the size of Asia. No, bigger than that. A hand the size of Jupiter!

Any score wins it for the Dawgs. Is there a way with all these new rules to just add a point and go home?

It’s the transistor radio Haiti kid in that Wild Dawg again. Why don’t we just kick the field goal and go home?

He takes the snap, running left. The Fromm kid is out there throwing a block on the end. Michel turns the corner. There’s no one there. Run Lindsay run! I mean Sony! I don’t know what I mean!

We just stepped on their face with a hobnail boot and broke their nose! We just crushed their face!

And because we haven't mentioned that Roquan Smith kid yet we'll do it here. Too many heroes to mention!

Do you know what is gonna happen here tonight? Up in Altadena and down in Alhambra and other foreign sounding towns? All those left coast places where all those Dawg people have got those condominiums for four days? Man, is there gonna be some property destroyed tonight! 54 to 48. Dawgs on top! We were gone. I gave up, you did too. We were out of it and gone. Miracle!

I broke my chair. I came right through a chair. A metal steel chair with about a 5-inch cushion. I broke it. The booth came apart. The stadium, well, the stadium fell down. Now they do have to renovate this thing. They'll have to rebuild it now.

It looks like the Mayfield kid could be vomiting

Or crying.

Look at the Mercedes-Benzes falling out of the sky! And that can be more dangerous than sugar.

I’m getting too old for this. I’m going back upstairs.