Friday, August 25, 2017

Global Power Vandelay Industries Names Industry Titan Art Vandelay as New CEO

New York NY

When the average consumer wants or needs latex they insist on a trusted supplier. In days of yore one might look in the Yellow Pages for Ye Olde Latex Shoppe. Then the Yellow Pages became litter box filler & people quit saying days of yore.

Today most demand only the finest organic, gluten free, sustainable, PETA friendly latex. They do not want rubber, plastic or acrylic. They want latex, they want it now & they will pay for it.

Christopher Columbus is credited with the discovery of natural latex, or rubber. When he returned to the New World for the second time he noted natives of Haiti playing with a ball made from the gum of a tree. This bouncing ball from a tree called "CAW-UCHU" or "Weeping Wood" was also used by ancient Mayans. They threw it through a hoop made of rubber. It was the earliest form of a game which later became known as basketball.

Latex is not rubber. They are not the same. They are different.

Rubber is a highly elastic solid substance, light cream or dark amber in color, polymerized by the drying & coagulation of the latex or milky juice of rubber trees & plants, especially Hevea & Ficus species.

Latex is a milky liquid in certain plants, as milkweeds, euphorbias, poppies, or the plants yielding India rubber, that coagulates on exposure to air or any emulsion in water of finely divided particles of synthetic rubber or plastic.

Consumers want the latter, not the former. The key word here is latex.

Vandelay Industries, NYSE Ticker Symbol VI, is the world’s leading supplier of latex. No one knows when, where or by whom the company was founded or where it is located today.

Some believe VI is based in a Manhattan New York apartment. This is not a setting conducive to production of latex in quantities sufficient to satisfy insatiable global latex demand.

A latex factory should look more like this.

With a distribution facility that looks like this.

Though VI claims to be an American company their latex is produced here. The sign company screwed up the translation for latex. That happens a lot with foreign sign companies.

The manufacturing complex looks like this.

Whiny environmentalists complained, so VI dumped Manufacturer #1 in favor of this cleaner & more efficient Manufacturer #2 in an even more remote foreign country. They hoped not to get caught. Nobody noticed. Until now. We promised not to tell.

Born George Louis Costanza, April 15, 1959, few expected much from him. As a youth he was a twerp. People picked on him. Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton & Donald Trump picked on the boy. Whoever one’s choice of villain or saint, they picked on him. Mother Teresa picked on George Costanza.

At some point Costanza briefly changed his name to Art Corvelay, shortly thereafter to Art Vandelay. That was fortuitous as he soon went to work for Vendelay Industries. He was a marginally successful if slightly erratic latex salesman.

In response to Vandelay's propensity to make sales calls in less than conventional attire VI issued a new mandatory global dress code.

There has been little news about VI since 1998. One can assume they continued to produce latex & Art Vandelay continued to sell it.

This is good news for selective consumers who want to buy latex from at least a marginally successful salesman. Such consumers are inclined to call VI and ask for Art Vandelay.

It may be because Vandelay became a better than marginal latex salesman. Or maybe everyone else quit. Or maybe they all went to jail. For whatever reason VI announced today they just named Art Vandelay as Chief Executive Officer.

It appears he no longer abides by the VI dress code since his lofty promotion.

Those wishing to buy latex should call Vandelay Industries today at 212-555-6893. Ask for Art Vandelay. 

Tell him to pay his Press Release bill.

Calls to Vandelay Industries for further information were not returned as of press time.


Art Vandelay
Vandalay Industries
129 West 81st Street
New York NY 10024

For more info:

Article marginally researched by Peter Stoddard of Stoddard Media. The Wall Street Journal, Vandelay Industries and Art Vandelay did not approve of its content.

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